I don’t know about you, but my social media algorithm likes to show me different accounts with styles of parenting – and all seem to be “the one”. I actually like to know different parenting styles and research what they are. What is encouraging is that we are willing to look at parenting differently to the way our parents did (for good and for bad) and are willing to talk about it. But it can feel overwhelming at times.

There are 4 main parenting styles but the number of approaches within that has changed in recent years. There is authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved. Don’t forget the approaches of gentle, helicopter, lawnmower, etc. If you want to know more about the different styles and approaches, check out the playlist.

Have you heard of responsive parenting? Could this be an approach or style for you?

WHAT IS RESPONSIVE PARENTING?

Responsive parenting is a child-centered approach that focuses on understanding and responding to your child’s individual needs and emotions. It’s about building a strong, secure bond with your child based on empathy, warmth, and sensitivity.  You are aiming to be highly responsive to your child’s needs and emotions. In this you are nurturing, empathetic, and create a secure and loving environment.  But you also set clear and consistent boundaries and expectations. In this you are guiding your children, teaching them appropriate behavior, and enforcing consequences for misbehavior. 

It is different from gentle parenting with some subtle differences. Ultimately responsive parenting is a broader framework that emphasizes understanding and responding to the child’s needs.  Gentle parenting is a specific approach within the broader framework of responsive parenting, emphasizing non-punitive discipline and creating a peaceful and respectful environment.

HOW TO PRACTICE RESPONSIVE PARENTING EFFECTIVELY

Pay close attention and truly listen to your child’s verbal and non-verbal cues. What is their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice? We want to try and see the world from their point of view. Can we empathize with their feelings? Their emotions are valid, even if we don’t always agree with them.  We can reflect their feelings: “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated right now” and validate emotions “It’s okay to feel angry when things don’t go your way.”

Our responsiveness is key (hence the name). Respond to your child’s needs in a timely and appropriate manner.  Be patient and understanding as your children are learning and developing. They don’t have it all together. 

We should aim to create a loving and nurturing environment where our child feels safe to explore, experiment, and express themselves.  In that we need to establish clear and consistent rules and boundaries, explaining the reasons behind the rules in a calm and age-appropriate way.

Want to know more about boundaries? Check out this post.

Using positive reinforcement, along with natural consequences, will help to build self esteem. Praise your children and acknowledge positive behavior. Can you catch them doing good? This is something I used to employ in my classrooms and the kids loved it. This is something you can also do at home. Just suddenly acknowledge something good they are doing. Work on problem solving together, and celebrate their accomplishments. 

Remember that children learn by watching so we need to model the behaviors that we want, and that includes how to be responsive to our own needs. 

HOW COULD RESPONSIVE PARENTING BE A GOOD APPROACH FOR YOU?

Parenting is challenging. Be kind to yourself and don’t strive for perfection.  

Responsive parenting could be a good approach for you if:

• You value strong emotional connections
• Believing in understanding your child’s perspective is key
• You want to foster independence
• Involving your child in decision-making processes whenever possible works well for you
• You value open communication with your children

Responsive parenting might not be the best fit if you:

• Prefer a more structured and directive approach to parenting
• Struggle with setting boundaries or enforcing rules
• Find it difficult to control your own emotions in challenging situations

It is worth taking the time to see if this is an approach you want to consider. Remember, be kind to yourself and don’t strive for perfection.