Parenting Opinions are EVERYWHERE! This might even be a little controversial to some people. But these are opinions that I don’t agree with.

Thanks to the internet we can spend copious hours looking up information on parenting and what the best ways are, etc. There are many opinions out there! I know I have mine! It can get very overwhelming and you can easily fall down the rabbit hole or end up in a downward spiral trying to work out what is right, what is wrong and what makes sense to you. 

PARENTING OPINIONS I DON’T AGREE WITH

We need to make sure our children are getting ahead

(aka: Children need to be pushed to excel in every area)

This is more a first world/Western World parenting opinion. This is one I really struggle with – the constant push to have our children get ahead. Why? Why can’t they be children and learn at their own pace? While it’s important to encourage children to do their best, pushing them too hard can lead to stress, anxiety, and even burnout. We need to let our children explore their own interests and passions. We need to accept where they are at and stop pushing them ahead. Reading before they go to school is generally not indicative of their future education. Having top grades all the time doesn’t mean they will work well with others. 
Check out this post on pushing expectations.

Good parents never show their frustration

Parenting is challenging, and it’s normal to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and even unhappy at times. I think that it is good for our children to see how we handle frustration, disappointment, etc. How else are they going to learn to regulate their emotions and deal with big things as they arise? I am honest with my girls when I am frustrated. Do I have it all together and express myself quietly and calmly every time? Oh no! But I do apologize when I lose it and talk through why I struggled to express myself in the right way. We have to show our children the full range of emotions and how to deal with them. And life isn’t perfect all the time – so frustrations will arise!

The way your children behave is a reflection of your parenting

Apparently, children of “good” parents always behave perfectly. This parenting opinion makes me laugh. I know how my girls normally behave, and it has come from repetition, reinforcement and consistency. But then, from time to time, they like to display – in public – what I like to call “Hi, my parents are really ineffective” behavior. It honestly isn’t a reflection of my parenting. It is a reflection of a storm of coincidences, situations and consequences. How I choose to respond in the moment is a reflection of my parenting. But all children are going to misbehave or meltdown from time to time; it’s a normal part of growing up and testing boundaries. It doesn’t mean that we are bad or ineffective parents.

Good parents severely limit or have no screen time

(aka: Screen time is always harmful)

While excessive screen time can have negative effects on children, not all screen time is created equal. Are there times when we have too much screen time and I see it reflected in my girls’ behavior? Yes! So we pivot. But some of our schooling is done online because it provides the best option for those subjects at this time. There are many educational and age-appropriate apps, games, and shows that can be highly beneficial for children when used in moderation.

And let’s face it – sometimes we as parents need our children to have a bit of screen time so we can get a bit of down time. Yes, there are other options, but if we can have down time why can’t they? If I can watch a show to unwind, why can’t they?
Check out this post on using screen time to your advantage.

Good parents always put their children first

While it’s important to prioritize the needs of children, it’s not wise to always put them first. When they are younger they are going to need more of us, but as they grow up they can do more things for themselves. It is also crucial for us as parents to take care of ourselves and prioritize our own well-being. We are not going to be happy if we are constantly putting our children first. And an unhappy parent is not going to help our children. They pick up on our emotions. Constantly putting them first will also produce selfishness.

Parenting gets easier as children get older

This parenting opinion always stumps me. While some aspects of parenting may become easier as our  children grow and become more independent, we are faced with new challenges at each stage of development. When they were little my girls wore what I put out for them, ate what they were given, and generally did as asked. As they have aged up they are working on their critical thinking skills, expressing emotions with new and interesting words, and testing boundaries like there are no tomorrows. I loved the 2s! The 4s were harder. And now? I feel like I am constantly on my toes to navigate the moods, the highs and lows. I am constantly adapting and learning. What will the teen years hold? 

I think that we all need to critically evaluate parenting advice and opinions. We need to consider our own circumstances and our children – who all have their own needs. We have to do what works for us. And that might mean throwing some opinions in the bin/trash.