Children need to know how to express their own opinions in healthy ways. Let’s look at how they can do it and why.

As our children grow up they learn to express opinions – often quite loudly and emphatically! Usually the first one that makes its bold appearance is “It’s not fair!” That one can last a long time. (It takes a while to learn about fairness.)

How do we teach our children to express their opinions (not just yours) and understand that not everyone is going to agree with them? Even better,how do we teach that it is ok to have friends who don’t agree with everything you think?

WHAT ARE OPINIONS?

An opinion states a person’s or group’s thoughts, feelings, or beliefs about something. 

They are shaped by things such as personal experiences, the people around us, the influences we have in our lives. Opinions can be very subjective – they are necessarily based on facts or evidence. 

It is easy to teach facts. You can find out if they are true or not.

Examples of facts:

• Water is wet
• Grass is green
• Chickens have wings and 2 legs

But an opinion can’t be proven true or not.

Examples of opinions:

• Pink is a terrible color
• Cats are better than dogs
• Math is fun

These are true or false to different people. They are not based in fact. 

WHY TEACH ABOUT OPINIONS?

In the day and age of social media, there are many opinions being presented as facts. It can be hard to discern what is true at times. I know that I fact check a lot of things and encourage my girls to do the same. 

But it is not just about understanding there are opinions, but also how to express them appropriately. We all have opinions but that doesn’t mean that we all are always right. We just simply can’t be. I have been working with my girls on this – to listen to others, to share what they think without it being all about them, to try and understand why the other person feels the way they do. We are slowly getting there. It started with learning “I feel” or “I think” statements and then responding to “and do you think that is based in fact?” or “what do you have to back that up?” (anecdote about S and K being the fave – her evidence is one picture)

I also think it is important that our children learn to express their own opinions and not just ours, as their parents. (anecdote about teaching and kids just parroting their parents.)

HOW CHILDREN CAN EXPRESS THEIR OPINIONS

Children can learn to express their opinions in healthy ways. Of course they can stand their ground and just keep shouting the same thing over and over, but it won’t get them anywhere (ask me how I know that). Here are some things we can do to help them:

• We need to create an environment where our children feel safe expressing their opinions without fear of judgment or punishment. Encourage them to share their thoughts and ideas openly.
• Teach active listening, showing them that their opinions are valued and respected. 
• Teach respect for others’ opinions, even if they differ
• Help your children develop critical thinking skills by asking open-ended questions and encouraging them to consider different perspectives before forming an opinion.
• Children learn by example, so model healthy ways of expressing opinions in your own conversations and interactions with others.
• Help your children learn how to express their opinions respectfully when there is disagreement or conflict. Encourage them to find common ground and seek compromise.
• Acknowledge your child’s emotions and feelings when they express their opinions, even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint. Validate their right to feel the way they do.

USEFUL PHRASES FOR EXPRESSING OPINIONS

Children can easily, through modeling and direction, learn how to express their opinions. But it is very helpful to teach them some phrases, especially the “I” messages. 

Expressing your own opinion:

• I feel that….
• I think that….
• If you ask me….
• I feel like….
• I believe that….

Agreeing with someone:

• I feel the same way
• I agree
• You’re right

Disagreeing with someone:

• I don’t think so
• I don’t see it that way
• No way
• Maybe, but…

It will be so worthwhile to teach about opinions – you will definitely reap the benefit of the work put in!

And why not teach about feelings? Check out this post on how to teach feelings to children and why.