I have heard “consequences” used in various ways in parenting. Most often it is “If you don’t behave, you will get a consequence.” I have often found this puzzling, as all our actions have repercussions. Some of them we will like, and some we won’t. 

This is how we have presented it to our girls. All of our actions have consequences. You are welcome to react how you see fit, but don’t think that it will stop at that. If you are kind to others, are respectful and helpful, then you will maybe be rewarded with something nice. If you are going to act in a way that is disruptive, rude, etc. then you will most likely end up with a consequence that you don’t like. We have tried to make sure that the consequences match the behaviors, and for them to see that there are natural and logical consequences.

Yes, there is a difference between natural and logical consequences.

WHAT ARE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES?

Natural consequences are outcomes that occur as a result of our behavior without any intervention. They arise from the action itself. They can be a powerful way for children to learn about cause and effect, responsibility, and decision-making. Here are some examples of natural consequences for children’s behavior:

• If your child consistently refuses to do their homework, a natural repercussion could be receiving a lower grade or falling behind in their schoolwork.
• When your child refuses to wear a coat in cold weather, they will likely feel cold and uncomfortable outside.
• Refusing to eat dinner? They may feel hungry later in the evening.
• If your child is rude to their friends, their friends may not want to play with them.
• By not looking after their toys and they break one, they may no longer be able to play with it.

WHAT ARE LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES?

This is where some critical thinking comes into play. Logical consequences come from a set of premises or assumptions using reasoning. They follow logic. Logical consequences are an effective way to teach children about responsibility and the connection between their actions and the outcomes that follow. Here are some examples of logical consequences for children:

Not completing their assigned chores? This could mean losing a privilege such as screen time or not being able to participate in a fun activity until the chores are done.

If your child consistently does not finish their homework, a logical consequence could be having to spend extra time completing it before being allowed to do something else.

Disrespect towards a family member or friend? A logical consequence could be having to apologize and making things right. Maybe they will do something nice for the person they were disrespectful to.

If your child is consistently not taking care of their stuff, this could be having to replace or repair the item themselves or losing that item for a period of time.

TEACHING CONSEQUENCES

Do our children like this topic? Usually not. I know that one of mine certainly does not. Especially if they are ones that they don’t like. But when they have an understanding of consequences – both natural and logical – then they will start to thrive. 

Understanding what these are will help our children take responsibility for their actions. It will also encourage them to learn to manage their feelings and their behaviors. And isn’t this something we want for them?

HOW DO WE TEACH THEM?

• Be consistent – in when you give consequences and in the length of them
• Link the behavior to the consequence 
• Clearly define the consequences and have a time connected to them – for example: You have lost screen time for one day
• Give it immediately
• Use the consequence as a teaching tool – have it fit to the behavior, and make it logical.  
• Let your children have a say – when they are part of selecting what will happen, they are often more accepting of them (and are usually harder on themselves, so might also accept your choice more willingly).

Raising children who thrive and are responsible for their actions, feelings and behaviors, is something I think that every parent wants. It will take some time, but it will be so worth it.

Another great thing to teach is boundaries. Check out the post on this!