Parenting today is hard. I think it has always been hard, but there are new challenges that rise every generation. We face the social media challenge where it is so easy to tear someone down rather than supporting them. It is easy to make quick judgements and snippy retorts if someone is doing something against the norm. It is dangerously easy to slip into just believing the worst of someone because we only see the “good” and we get jealous. Where is all the good parenting support? The love for one another and the understanding that we totally get it?
Online presence is not real life. I am not one for shaming my girls online and showing all the worst behaviors, but sometimes I will talk about it, often with humor, when it happens because I want my friends to know that I am there with them, in the trenches, facing the hard days too. We need to support each other.
How many of us have had a child melt down in the store? It’s tough. I have a few moments which stick in my mind and still niggle at me at times.
One day we were in Walmart. My girls were on those backpack leashes as they loved to explore, take off in different directions and Mummy could only do so much. They were also in the stage where they wanted to hug every pole, tree and wall they could find. There was a large display of stacks of paper plates. Apparently those plates needed a hug. A lady walking by looked at my girls hugging the stacks of paper plates and said “Disgusting” with a look of disgust on her face (like she had poo under her nose). What was disgusting? The girls? The fact that they were 20 months old and on those cute animal backpack leashes because they wouldn’t stay in a trolley? Or the fact that paper plates apparently needed a hug? It still irks me sometimes. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it!
GET THEM UNDER CONTROL
Another time were at another supermarket. K was screaming and wouldn’t stay in the trolley but she wasn’t wearing shoes (I hadn’t noticed until we were in the store so I said she had to stay in the trolley). I REALLY needed a couple of things. Normally I would just take the girls and go but this time I was so close to the register and thought “you can do it”. I had a flailing child under one arm while trying to push the trolley and the other starting to act upon her sister’s influence. A lady walked by and said “Get your children under control.” Yes, I sat in the car and cried.
It wasn’t necessary to say that. I knew I needed to get them under control but they were fighting me with all the power their little bodies possessed because they were little and going on an errand they didn’t have a say in.
IS IT NECESSARY?
Don’t get me started about a flight from LA to Australia and a certain flight attendant who made it miserable for me.
All of the hurt could have been avoided if there was a kind word or perhaps a small understanding that children at times can be turds and can’t be controlled……or stopped from giving stacks of paper plates a hug! Parenting support people! Not parenting tear down!!
This is where it is so vitally important for parents to support one another – mom to mom, dad to dad, etc. We need to be each other’s champions and lift each other up. Even if it is a simple nod and smile at the grocery store, or texting late at night when a friend needs it. It’s sharing in the trenches and being willing to take a child or 2 for an hour or 2 to give a break.
In my last parenting today vlog I talked about a co-op group I am part of. I really appreciate that group. I have also been part of other moms groups and they have been what I needed at those times. Just being able to connect with other moms is great. We can share stories, ask for advice, and see how each other parents. I have been in a moms group that had child care and I have been in one where the kids played together while we sat back and chatted. I like both. It’s more to the group where the kids are playing together that I lean because I love to see my girls interact with others. And it certainly helps to see what we might need to address if there are issues (age and development).
Parent coaching is emerging as a new way to get support in parenting issues. Yes, it is a life coach but for specifics with parenting. Some have a niche, others have a wider range of support, tools and ideas.
Most parent coaches are not psychologists or mental health professionals, but come from years of experience. And that is totally ok. We often need someone to talk to, to get help with navigating parenting. Guess what, we are not born with natural parenting skills! We need to learn them. Good parenting doesn’t come naturally, especially if you want to do it differently than to how you were raised.
There isn’t one approach to parenting. You only need to look online and be overwhelmed with the different parenting styles that are out there – permissive, gentle, authoritative, strict, positive, helicopter or bulldozer…..and that is just a few. Often I feel we are a mix of them. We draw different aspects to make what works for us. Parenting coaching is a great way to get parenting support.
Here are some things that you can gain from parental coaching:
- Feel more confident in your parenting decisions
- Having someone you can discuss things with, judgment free
- Work out which strategies can work for your children
- A stronger relationship with your kids
- Learning new discipline methods that will work for your children
- Learn how to make and meet parental goals
PARENT COACHING AND EDUCATIONAL ISSUES
One thing that I love helping parents with is educational issues. I draw on my education experience, particularly working with students with learning issues.
Oh, the world of education; the often confusing world of schooling. It is my honor to support parents as they navigate what is best for their family, and provide support in:
- alternate ways to educate and school options
- making homeschooling work for your family
- learning difficulties (identifying and helping), 504 plans and IEP support
- navigating teacher conferences and school-related conversations
No family is the same. No two parents parent the same. You can have twins and have to parent each one differently (I speak from experience) because no two children are the same. My heart is that there will always be a great connection with your child, that the rising challenges can be met head-on without the fight, and you find yourself positively parenting. Don’t we all want that?
What are some of the challenges you are facing? Are you dealing with disrespectful children? Are you parenting a strong will child? Do you have children and toddlers who hit? Are you struggling with a manipulative child?
All of that can be turned around. You don’t have to do this on your own! Maybe all you need is a little bit of help, some parenting support, a little bit of parent coaching.
Here are some other parenting vlogs and blogs I have that you might be interested in: