As mentioned before, there are many different parenting styles, some coming to the forefront in recent years, like helicopter or bulldozer parents. But there are 4 main ones that researchers have come back to over the decades…..authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved. I have looked at authoritative parenting (with a bit of authoritarian – click here to go to it) and today I want to look at permissive parenting.
Now, please let me state clearly that there is no judgement at all in regards to your parenting. We all have to do what we have to do. We all roll with our own flow based on background, culture, personality type etc. I do know that we change in our parenting style as we learn and adapt and find our groove.
WHAT IS PERMISSIVE PARENTING?
This is when the parent is afraid to set limits on children or believes a child has to be true to his or her own nature.
Permissive parents will be nurturing and warm, but they don’t want to impose limits and don’t see the need to keep their children under control. They will avoid punishment and discipline at all times.
Now, I am not a huge punishment person but I do believe in consequences for our actions – both positive and negative. We’ve been teaching this to the girls. They can be rewarded with consequences they like – like some screen time – or they can experience consequences they don’t like – like not getting to go and play with friends. We help them establish boundaries and expectations in behavior.
Gift-giving and bribery are their primary parenting tools.
I am not above a bribe here and there, but it is more because I am at the end of a tired rope and there needs to be a shift. Sure, we can call it a “positive reinforcement” but when it boils down to it, it is a bribe with a “if you, then” message.
There are very few demands of a child in this situation and parents have a difficult time saying “no” as they avoid asserting authority and confrontation.
They also avoid punishment at all times.
WHAT IS IT LIKE FOR CHILDREN WITH PERMISSIVE PARENTS?
- Permissive parents are not demanding. Kids do not have many responsibilities and are allowed to regulate their behavior and the majority of their choices.
- Children are not required to have good manners or be responsible around the home.
- The child typically has a lot of freedom in regards to bedtimes, homework, mealtimes and television watching.
- Children make their own decisions without input from parents or caregivers.
- Children are impulsive, aggressive and lack independence as well as personal responsibility, mainly due to the huge lack of boundaries. They can have symptoms of anxiety and depression.
- While children from these homes tend to have high self-esteem and good social skills, they are also demanding and selfish.
- Academics can suffer if there is no self control over study and homework habits.
OUR PARENTING STYLES
I do think that parenting styles change. It can do with the situation and what is happening around you. I am typically an authoritative parent, but there are times with a helicopter pops up in me. That is typically because I have scoped the situation and feel that I need to be closer on hand and watching over the girls more. There are times when I might just pop in a bit of permissive parenting, but it is usually when I am tired. We will also adapt as our children get older, or if we have more children.
Want to know what style you are? Why not try this quiz.
This is where a parenting coach can be a good investment in your life. If you are struggling with your parenting style or want help in making changes in how you parent, then reach out and find someone to help you. I love to help moms and dads with developing their parenting, and maintaining or deepening a relationship with their children. I don’t have it all together, but I do have experience, listening ears and a compassionate heart. You’ve got this! If you need to do it together with someone, then do it.
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