Do children have responsibilities in their families? Mostly we are talking chores. Should they be doing them? It is an interesting topic because again we can have heated discussions on both sides of the argument. Is it, in fact, child labor as some people claim? I think that the responsibilities of a child are to be active, caring members of their family, to love and respect and serve each other. There should be things that you do around the house because you are part of a family and want to serve each other. 

Are chores important? Studies have shown that children who do chores around the house grow up to be successful adults. Starting early, around age 3-4, showed a greater correlation with high achievement. Children need responsibilities. It helps build self-esteem, confidence, work ethic, appreciation for what they have, and less of a sense of entitlement. 

It pretty much comes down to this: what are we trying to teach our children? What values do we want them to have? I believe that we need to be teaching responsibility of time, money and relationship with our family members and we can do that through chores.

WHY CHORES?

• They help kids feel needed and they are making a contribution to the family
• Chores help children learn responsibility and teach independence and self-reliance
• They create a work ethic and it helps to cut back on entitlement
• Kids learn to work together as a team and as a family
• Children learn to help out the family, leaving more time to PLAY as a family

Experts all seem to agree that chores are important and children should do them, but that leads to the next question…

Should we pay children to do chores?

There are 2 strong sides to this argument. On one hand, you have the argument that chores are part of being a family and you should just be doing them as an active member. On the other hand, hard work means earning money. Which is right? Neither. What is correct is what is best for your family.

Here are some reasons people have given for paying their children for doing chores:

• Money and work should be tied together because that is how it is in the real world
• It means less nagging to get things done – there is a direct consequence
• You are teaching about earning, saving and spending

Here are some reasons given as to why we shouldn’t be paying for chores:

• Pay for chores becomes an external motivation, and if they are not motivated the chores won’t be done and what are the consequences if they don’t care about the money?
• Household tasks become the norm when our children become adults and live on their own or with others. Laundry, cleaning the kitchen, cooking are all the things you don’t expect to get paid to do as an adult. Why should you as a child?
• Paying for chores eliminates educational opportunities
• It teaches a pitch-in mindset, whereby we teach our children to look around for what is needed to be done and lend a hand 
• It can breed a sense of entitlement 

Hybrid approach

Some families have started doing a hybrid approach to chores. They think it’s important to have the internal motivation for pitching in and have family duties or tasks that you must do, without pay, just because they are part of the family and living in the house. There are then other tasks that have a monetary value attached to them and upon completion, you get paid.

I have seen some friends set an allowance for the week, based on age, and there are chores you just have to do (the duties) and then some you need to complete in order to be paid your allowance. Not completing a task means a reduction in allowance. I have other friends who have family duties and then there is a chart of tasks on the wall or fridge that anyone can do to earn the dollar amount attached to it. You pick what you want to do based on how much money you need/want. Got a number of things to buy? Get in there and do as many paid chores as possible. 

I still don’t know yet what we will do, or fully land on. We currently trying a hybrid approach because we want our girls to know they are part of our family and that includes responsibilities – like keeping their room clean and their toys put away, putting their dirty clothes in the basket and helping in the kitchen. Things will be added as they get older. They can earn money (currently quarters) for doing extra tasks like helping to clean the bathroom. We will even give them quarters when they are randomly “caught doing good” because we want to reward great attitudes and helpful hearts. But this is not often and can be at any time.

RESPONSIBILITIES AT HOME

What are some ideas of a “responsibility”?

• Make bed
• Clean up after eating
• Put dirty clothes in the hamper
• Put clean clothes away
• Getting dressed and brushing teeth without being asked
• Putting shoes in the designated place after removing them
• Making sure toys cleaned up before bedtime

Teach the chore

Whether or not you have the task as a “chore” or a “responsibility” you need to teach it first. We cannot expect young children to just instinctively pick it up and do it. And it is going to take some leading and guiding until they fully grasp what is to be done each time. Show what is expected. Demonstrate a completed task. 

For small children take a photo of what the shelves or drawers should look like, or what the completed task looks like, so they have something they can follow. This is also great for children who have processing issues or ADHD as it gives a visual tool as to the completed task. I have actually labeled the girls’ dressers so they know where things go. (The labels have a picture and the word in both English and German.) One dresser is for clothes. The other is for toys. The corresponding tub for the toys also has a label so they know what goes in that tub and where that tub goes.

For older children, you could have a set of steps they follow – a checklist – that takes them through to completion. This will help missing out on steps and perhaps save some time from reminding them what else needs to be done. I always suggest this with students I work with who have processing or learning issues. Visual tools can be so good. After doing the task several times, it will become more automatic, but it is always great to have something you can refer back to. 

I know I have done a good job

Another idea for older children is to have an “I know I’ve done a good job …………. when I have” list. I love outlines like this. You can apply them to anything – chores, school work, behavior. Here is an example:

I know I have done a good job cleaning my room when I have:

• Picked all the toys and books off the floor and put them away
• Put all dirty clothes in the laundry
• Put away clean clothes
• Changed the sheets on my bed
• Emptied out the trash (rubbish)
• Taken all dirty cups and dishes to the kitchen
• Vacuumed my room
• Dusted my bookshelves

These lists are something you work on together as you establish what is a completed task. It can be as simple as 3 items or as complex as 12. Whatever it takes for you, the parent, and your child to be in agreement as to what the task is. 

Chore Charts

Do you use a chore chart? Is it one you have created yourself or do you have a pre-printed one? There are many out there and some families swear by them, others don’t care for them. I am the type of person who creates my own charts – I did it for toilet training and rewards for sleeping through the night. I like the personal touch. But not everyone has the inclination or the desire to make their own. Making your own means it can easily be personalized. Many of the printable ones do give you the option of writing the chores in.

Here are some examples of pre-printed chore charts:

Example one

Example two

Example three

Let’s look at some chores according to the different ages.

These lists are suggestions. Your children may or may not be capable of doing these in the age grouping but, as we know, children develop skills at different times. It is also what you feel comfortable with as a parent. If you have a child with a disability, find chores that would work for their abilities, not their age.

CHORES FOR 2 YEAR OLDS
CHORES FOR 3 YEAR OLDS

• Put away toys
• Put away books
• Wipe baseboards
• Feed pets
• Put dirty clothes in hamper/basket 
• Throw away trash/rubbish
• Help set the table
• Get diapers/nappies and wipes

CHORES FOR 4 YEAR OLDS
CHORES FOR 5 YEAR OLDS

• All previous chores
• Make bed
• Pick up toys
• Take care of pets
• Water plants
• Wipe up spills
• Sort clean silverware/cutlery
• Clear table after dinner
• Wipe down dirty walls
• Sweep with a small broom
• Dust furniture
• Make easy snacks

CHORES FOR 6 YEAR OLDS
CHORES FOR 7 YEAR OLDS

• All previous chores
• Sweep kitchen floor
• Empty the dishwasher
• Gather trash/rubbish/garbage from all rooms
• Weed the garden
• Rake leaves
• Fold clothes and match socks
• Peel carrots and potatoes
• Make a salad

CHORES FOR 8 YEAR OLDS
CHORES FOR 9 YEAR OLDS

• All previous chores
• Load dishwasher
• Wash laundry
• Put away clean clothes
• Put groceries away
• Walk dogs
• Wipe off table and counters
• Clean out the car
• Bring in empty garbage/trash cans
• Wipe down bathroom sink

CHORES FOR 10 YEAR OLDS
CHORES FOR 11 YEAR OLDS

• All previous chores
• Clean toilets
• Sweep garage and driveway
• Vacuuming
• Bring in the mail
• Meal prep
• Cook simple meal
• Take out trash/garbage/rubbish
• Wash mirrors
• Clean kitchen

CHORES FOR 12+

• All previous chores
• Mop floors
• Mow the lawn
• Iron clothes
• Wash windows
• Wash car
• Trim hedges and bushes
• Shop for groceries with a list
• Watch younger siblings
• Clean out fridge
• Cook complete dinner

So, regardless of whether you will pay for chores or just have family responsibilities and tasks, I think it is safe to say that we are all probably in agreement that it is good for our children to do tasks around the house. It is good for their emotional, social and financial health. 

What is it that you do? Do you pay? Do you have a hybrid situation? I would love to hear what works for your family. I know that I have some set thoughts on the responsibilities of a child, but I would love to hear some other ideas. Learning = life for me.