Gentle parent, gentle parent……you want to be a gentle parent, and you are working hard on that yourself, but then your child is not responding to it! They are not gentle childing. What do you do? How can this be? Isn’t it crazy when free will and personalities come into the mix.
Gentle parenting does take time to establish. It takes consistency and communication. Check out my post here.
So, what can we do if our child is not responding to gentle parenting techniques? It can be frustrating! Can’t they see the effort we are putting in? But it’s essential to stay patient and adaptable – which are key components of gentle parenting.
THINGS YOU CAN DO
One of the biggest things you can do is take time to reflect and evaluate whether gentle parenting is the style and approach you want to go for. If it isn’t, that is totally ok! Maybe you take a step back into more authoritative parenting (gentle parenting is under the umbrella of authoritative – not authoritarian – parenting but there are differences). But if you do decide that gentle parenting is the way to go, and you need help to get your children to respond in appropriate ways, here are some things you can do:
Reflect on Your Gentle Parent Approach
Take some time to reflect on how you are implementing gentle parenting techniques. Are you being consistent? Are you effectively communicating your expectations and boundaries? Make sure you are modeling the behavior you want to see in your child. Write down what you want to see and how you can model that. Having something in writing can be so helpful as it is something you can come back to.
Understand Your Child’s Needs
Every child is different, so it’s important to understand your child’s unique personality, triggers, and needs. Each child in your family is going to respond differently, have different needs, have different triggers. How do you adapt to those? Maybe your child needs stronger boundaries, not more discussion on feelings. How can you tailor your approach to better suit them? Take the time to understand their needs and how you can work on them in a mutually beneficial way.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re finding it really challenging to manage your child’s behavior, consider seeking guidance from a pediatrician, child psychologist, or family therapist. Vitamin deficiencies, sleep deficiencies, etc can affect behavior. There might be underlying illnesses or things going, and professionals can provide insights, strategies, and support that you might not have thought of.
If you are concerned there are bigger issues like ADHD or autism, etc., seek help early. Knowing what is going on can be extremely helpful. The label won’t define your child but it might open up doors for therapies and assistance you won’t have otherwise.
Stay Calm and Patient
It’s important to remain calm and patient, even when faced with challenging behavior. Children can pick up on your emotions, so try to model the behavior you want to see in your child. This can be hard. Not going to lie. It can be one of the hardest things to do. But if you want to be a gentle parent, then you need to be gentle (calm and patient) in your responses.
Consistency is Key as a Gentle Parent
Consistency is crucial when it comes to parenting techniques. One reason your child might not be responding is that you are not being consistent. Or maybe you are being a gentle parent but your spouse/partner/co-parent isn’t. This is confusing for children. Make sure you and any other caregivers are on the same page and are working towards consistently applying the same approach in the same way.
Remember that this parenting thing is a journey. It is totally normal to face challenges along the way – including challenges to our parenting style. We might need to change our approach from time to time, or be radical and really switch up how we parent. It will all be ok.
